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The Insignificance of Choice

There are days in your life that can be breaking points.

Today is one of those days.

At my day job, I just received a call from a customer, who basically bitched at me for five minutes about how incompetent I am. Well he termed it ‘your company’, but really meant me, and he had that pretentious tone in his voice of scolding a child that you assume doesn’t understand every word of what you say. This boils my blood.

A year ago, this would not have bothered me. Mainly because I know that I am the best at what I do, and the people here know that. A year ago, I didn’t know my true worth and path in life.

Now, a five minute conversation (or should I say, berating) got me upset enough to take a breather in the bathroom. Maybe it is because I know I shouldn’t have to take abuse of that kind any longer. Maybe because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but that tunnel is still just a little too far away for my liking. Maybe it is because I know that NO-ONE should have to tolerate that, and there are other choices than just shuffling through day to day, ‘dealing’ with what we are given in life.

I don’t want to deal with it, and you are damn mistaken if you think I didn’t work my ass off to get to where I am today, so I don’t believe that things are ‘given’ to us.

Six months ago, I didn’t dislike my job. I still don’t ‘dislike’ it, not really. But I do resent it. I do resent that I am only human, and only have so few hours in the day to work on my escape route, because my job hogs 10 hours of my waking time every day.  I do resent that I have to wait for time to catch up with my efforts (but when it does, stand back, there will be an avalanche of awesome), and that because of that, I am stuck at this place.

I think the worst part about it is that being here is no longer my choice. Sure, I can choose to quit, and then run our finances into the ground because my escape route isn’t quite ready yet, but since I’m not an asshole, I won’t do that. Thus, ‘no choice’. But if given the choice of either coming to a place all day where people feel they have the right to dump on you, or not going to that place…I’d choose not going. It seems so insignificant now, knowing what is to come for me in the near future.

I guess the good thing is that it makes me work that much harder, in order to meet the deadline I set for myself to take my escape. Have to find the positive in everything, or you’ll drown in the negative.

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