(Warning: sensitive topic to follow. Please do not read if you cannot handle talk of death)
So I have a fear.
I have a fear of death.
Not the normal fear of dying, itself, but rather death and what it does to those you leave behind.
I have a distinct and paralyzing fear of attending wakes. I just can’t do it. I figured out why only recently, though.
I’m afraid of how they make me look at the future, how I imagine myself in that position.
It makes me take a look at my current situation, and what the repercussions would be if I were to not make it past tomorrow. Would I be leaving my family in a good place? Could they be taken care of, bills be paid, finances not a burden?
What about those whose lives I’ve touched? Are there enough positive ripples? Did I truly make the most of my time here? Did I help enough people so that it would be apparent in the attendance of my service?
Nobody wants to consider their own passing, nor that of anyone they know. But I’ve seen it too often, recently. It makes me feel that I haven’t done enough, yet. I haven’t put my family in the best position possible. I haven’t created something for them that will last. I haven’t helped nearly enough people, and I haven’t been insistent enough with people that I know could benefit. I haven’t formed a legacy.
I hope this makes you think a little about your own life, and what your answers to my personal questions might be for yourself. I feel like I owe myself and my family more than what I have given already. We need and deserve more. What about you? Wouldn’t you agree that you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to make an honest attempt at bringing more to the table? Look at the next five years of your future. Do you see your situation improving if you change nothing? Look at the past five years. Are you in a better position now than you were back then? Have you tried to change it, and failed? How can you change your next five?
In my opinion, the Rolling Stones had it wrong. Time is not on our side. Time keeps moving, whether we are here or not. It is up to us to make the most of the time we are given, and since we never know when that may run out, we cannot waste a single minute of it.
The final decision is up to you, though. Will you do nothing, and change nothing, accepting whatever you are handed? Or will you take a step to get back in control of your future? I took the step, and though it is off the beaten path, it is by far the most sure-footed step I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve acknowledged my fear, and accepted the challenge of breaking it down. I hope to help others do the same, but it can only be done if you wish it so.
What’s your fear? Or better, what’s your hope for your future? What are your goals? I love to hear what others dream about, because it reminds me that there is still hope in the world, waiting for someone to help it grow.